| desee que pueda sueño! |
[August 08 2009] |
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They've always told me that there was nothing that could be done about my method of sleeping. Or lack there of. "These things tend to run in families, dear." My brother used to come into my room when the episodes would occur, he'd shake me, hold my face while I shook, cried and sometimes even screamed. Always with my eyes open, always with my mind vacant. He said it was like watching a demon control me, watching it twist me from the inside out until there was nothing left and I would fall back onto my bed in a pile, exhausted, waking without so much as a single recollection to the attack. What I did remember though... Were the images. I stopped crying over them years ago. Wasted emotions on an unstoppable force that plagues the interior of my mind. What can honestly be done? "Think happy thoughts."
So I think, you're young, you have your life ahead of you, you're cared for. But those thoughts have changed now. Now I'm still young, I have my life ahead of me, but the one who always did care for me isn't here anymore... I must find new ones who care. I have new ones who care.
Happy thoughts however never stopped the attacks from happening before and they don't seem to be stopping them now. I have no one to tell me about my shouts other then the cleaning lady who felt the need to ask if I had someone break into my room last night, claimed the staff heard me shouting and then a dead silence, she thought... She wouldn't say, she simply went pale. Others tell me I'm safe here, while still some go stark white when they see me on the street with some I've come to known. Half of the island has an unnatural beauty to it while the rest remain almost painfully common. Existential crisis'? I haven't the faintest idea anymore, I only know that I'm tired of being told I've woken others from my screaming, I'm tired of waking up with my stomach twisted from images that won't leave my mind... So much can be destroyed in life, I fear however so much more is destroyed in what remains of my mind.
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| Friends Only. |
[June 29 2009] |
*Friends Only
*Comment to be added
*Only accepting members of Night Angels rpg
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